IT Fail!

This past Wednesday myself and some co-workers were greeted with the realization that all photos saved on our personal drives at work had been deleted.  I sent a service request to our IT department to find out what happened, and to have the photos restored (all work related, as I am the resident photog for my office).
My dealings with IT went as follows:

ME -  

10/28/09 10:23:18AM

All work related photos that were on my I drive have mysteriously disappeared.  I would like to see if these could be recovered, or if you could put them all on a cd if you don't want them recovered on the I drive.
Thank you.

IT's response, after calling me to tell me they would restore them

10/28/09 3:01:54PM
We’ve recently backed up and restored downtown users’ I: drives to a new server.   Unfortunately, all picture files (personal & work related) residing on user’s I: drives are not part of the backup process therefore; we will not be able to restore any of these files.

We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.  A nOTIfy email will be sent out to all Downtown DMHC staff to inform of them of this occurrence. Your ticket will be closed with the above explanation.

I couldn't believe that!  They deleted 7 years of my office's history without even a warning to ANY staff members!  Not only did we lose those 7 years, but all of the DMHC employees lost their photos as well. (Their department has been around for a lot longer than mine)  

Usually our IT department is awesome, and they are very good about sending out e-mails informing the staff of upgrades, maintenance, etc., but this time they failed...BIG TIME!

Losing my Office Husband

I'm a little upset at my job today, my office husband, "oh", has decided to quit.

To be honest, I was hoping he would have done it a long time ago for his own sake.  He is over worked, under paid, under appreciated, and waaay too talented for this office.  But that's what happens when you work for The State, and a small office.  Instead of utilize the talents and ideas of the staff, our director and her friend would rather spend hundreds of thousands of dollars hiring a marketing firm that doesn't even do their job.  When "oh" tries to tell them this, and gives them examples of what the marketing firm is and isn't doing, they just tell him he doesn't know what he is talking about.  In all reality they are the ones that have NO CLUE what they are talking about, or what they are doing.  "oh" has been working in our office for a few years now, his duties have increased 10 fold, while his pay has not.  He didn't mind so much before because he was promised a full time better paying job over and over, and he simply liked the work (at one point he was even working for free).  Now they are unwilling to give him even half of the pay that he should be making, and still continue to second guess everything he does.  They want the marketing firm to do everything, then when they screw it up the Director expects "oh" to fix it!

Well, he finally has had enough, and is going to leave today.  I am super sad, because I am losing one of my best friends in the office, my "office husband", and the only person anywhere near my age.  But I am happy that he is putting himself first, and going to go out and try to find a position where he will be appreciated, listened to, and appropriately paid.

Once again, The State is wasting money, losing good workers, and alinating their staff.  Way to go OPA and CA!  Way to go!

Randomness

I find it somewhat amusing that the majority of the conversations between my co-workers in this office revolve around 2 things:
1. Food
2. Alcohol

Sometimes I am thankful for my lil cubbie away from everyone else so I can just listen, or tune them out, and go about my day.  I have a feeling those are the 2 most discussed topics amongst state workers though.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

So the only thing I like about the sun coming out on "winter like" days, is when this happens.

At least something like that.  You get the picture.  =o)

Rainbows make the sun ok.  Although I am a little disappointed that I missed the majority of the storm while at work.  No sitting on the porch with a hot cup of cocoa while listening to the rain for me tonight.  Maybe tomorrow.

Look out for California Drivers!

I wanted to check the traffic status before I left work so I could somewhat see what I would be up against...this is what I found

This is the traffic and reported accidents as of 4:53pm today!  This is before the real "Rush Hour" even starts!! Oy Vey!  This is going to be an interesting commute home.

Be safe fellow commuters!!

Fall/Winter is finally here!

I LOVE THIS WEATHER!  Sorry, didn't mean to scream at you.  =o)

In Sacramento, loving the winter weather right now.  Although, I wish Mother Nature brought Snow along instead of The Wind.  Wind is pretty much the only part of winter I don't like.  I know we need it to make the clouds/storms go by but, why can't it just stay up there with the clouds? 

Wish I could go home, sit on the front porch with some hot cocoa, a fuzzy blanket, and my dog Cocoa, and just watch and listen to the storm.  Maybe that is what I will do after work, before school....mmm sounds heavenly.  =o)

You CAN teach old dogs new tricks...or they teach themselves

So my dog Cocoa is 13 years old and not allowed to watch people while they eat.  This is a form of begging and he knows it is against the rules.  It has been this way for 13 years. 
Well, recently he started coming in my room while I was eating and he will start to stare, I will give him the look or tell him no, and he will turn his head, or lay down facing the other direction. 
Tonight when this happened I felt like someone was watching me so I turned around and when I looked over he was acting like he wasn't looking at me while I was eating, but he was intensely staring at me through my wall mirror!   It totally creeped me out!  I have never seen him do this before!  He has tried to be sneaky in the past by trying to look through his long hair when it is covering his eyes, or peering around a corner thinking we can't see him, but looking at people through a mirror, that is totally new and creepy. 

I tried to get him to look in a mirror when he was younger, just playing and he never seemed to get it.  Well apparently he was just "playing dumb" and us humans were the dumb ones.   I wonder what other tricks he has up his fur that we don't know about. 

It breaks my heart

Life is short, you never know when your time will come.  Try to make the best out of the days you are given.  And if you have children, make sure you get life insurance!

Today I got the horrible news that one of my co-workers/good friend's son-in-law passed away this weekend unexpectedly.  He was in his 30's with no apparent health problems, and died in his sleep.  He leaves behind a wife and 2 small children, 5 years, and 5 months old.  It breaks my heart to think of these beautiful girls growing up without their father.  Automatically makes me think of my "brother" and his 3 kids (my god-daughters) who are 7 years, 5 years, and 2 months old.  It is so sad that a loving, doting father is lost.  Please keep my friend's family in your thoughts and prayers.

Random Wonder

Why don't we have siestas here?
I'll tell ya, I could totally use one on most days.  Like today.  Well, today I just need a nap before, during, and after lunch.  I guess you wouldn't consider that a siesta.

To be naughty or nice, that is the question

So, I checked my horoscope today, not something I do on a regular basis, but find it fun and interesting when I do.  Today's horoscope courtesy of Yahoo said:

Aries - You're no angel -- especially when your fabulously mischievous side comes out to play. Naughtiness is the name of the game, and you're the grand master when it comes to making up the rules -- and breaking them later on. (Hey, why not? That's the whole point of being contrary, right?) Fortunately, you know exactly how to turn your naughtiness from a vice into nice, especially when it comes to romance.

That put a smile on my face...makes me think of all the things I could do to be naughty today.  I guess this means that if I break the rules it's ok, because my horoscope said so!  Right!??!

Charitable contributions over own need

It's time again for the California State Employee's Charitable Campaign.  Each year state employees, such as myself, are given the opportunity to donate money to charities of their choice through monthly withdrawals on their paycheck.

I recently went to a financial planner with my mom to see if they could offer any ideas to save money.  One of the suggestions was to cancel my charitable contributions.  This isn't the first time I have heard this from someone, but I had to disagree.  I donate a little over $1,000.00 a year to a few charities that are close to my heart, which equals about $85 a month.  Especially since I am not able to offer my time to volunteer as much lately I feel this is sort of a "make-up".  I could use an extra $85 in my pay check every month, sure, but I think that by giving the money to charities that really need it, the money will go for something more important.  If I had the extra $85 I would probably spend it on eating out, concerts, or something frivilous.  And to be honest, this money has been coming out of my paycheck for so long I don't even realize it.  So, contrary to the behest of the financial adviser, the donations will continue. 

Now I just have to decide who to donate to.  So far I have:
UAN - United Animal Nations
T.E.A.M. - Teaching Everyone Animals Matter
Nor Cal Services for Deaf and Heard of Hearing
Tahoe Turning Point

I need 1 more charity.  Suggestions??  I prefer to donate to smaller local charities that don't have a lot of press or other donations.  Places like Make a Wish and the Humane Society are AWESOME organizations, but they already have a ton of donors.  So if you know of a local charity that has helped you or someone you love, please let me know!! 

Wedding Weekend in Graeagle

Hello there!

So, I would like to start off by thanking all of my friends and family for their wonderful, encouraging, and touching messages regarding my last blog. Last week was really hard for me, and I am happy to say that I am feeling much better.

 

This weekend I was able to get out of town with my little sister (T), who I usually only see a few days out of the year, since she lives in So Cal. We went up to Graeagle for her best friend since elementary school’s wedding. I will admit I was a little scared about going to a wedding in my state of mind, but I tried to just focus on the fact that I was getting to spend 3 whole days with my lil sis and I was going to make every minute count.

The weekend started off on Friday, I finally went to sleep around 5:30am (one of the side effects from the meds is insomnia) only to get up at 9:30 to finish packing and go pick up T from the airport. Of course when I was heading out the door my mom made sure we did a mini tune up on the car, checking the oil, washer fluid, coolant, and all that jazz…finally got on my way to get T and of course was about 25 mins late. After a quick trip to Super Wal*Mart for snacks, the gas station, and McDonald’s, we were on the road. This is the first road trip T and I have done alone, and it was quite nice. Got to the house where Rachelle (the bride) was staying and picked up the key to our house to drop off our things.

Our house had 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms with a HUGE kitchen and living room, 2 fire places, a Jacuzzi tub, and one of the showers (in the master bathroom where the married couple we were rooming with stayed) had dual showerheads!! How cool is that!!? Haha Not only that, but the place was almost completely furnished. We had pots and pans, silverware, a coffee grinder (but no coffee), and even a rice maker! It was awesome!

Anyway, we dropped off our stuff and then headed to Portola to Rachelle’s rehearsal dinner. It was a nice, close friends and family get together at her eldest sister’s house. I have to say, her sister is a fantastic cook! Everyone’s favorite dish she made were these bomb ass mashed potatoes. So delicious! The night was fun, I met more of the family and friends, my lil sis was able to see people she hadn’t seen in a few years, and we got to enjoy standing around a fire (one of my favorite things when in woodsy areas out in the cold). After a few hours we headed back to the house and stayed up till around 12:30 chatting with our roomies and watching TV…at least we had satellite tv since there was no internet, and hardly any cell service (only thing wrong with the weekend).

Saturday we got up, ate some breakfast, then headed over to where the bride was getting ready to see if there was anything we could do to help. After visiting a while and checking out the view from her balcony (one of the few places we got cell reception), we headed back to our house to get ready for the wedding. Once ready we went back to the bride’s house to watch her get her make-up and dress on, then take some photos. I must say, when the photographer (Kevin) walked in I was like, “H-E-L-L-O!!” hahaha I think all the females in the house had their jaw hit the ground. The boy was hot. So anyway, Kevin proceeded to take pictures of the beautiful bride in her dress while the rest of us looked on.

After about 30 mins of pics it was time to head off to the ceremony. The ceremony was beautiful but cold. T, our roomie Andrea and I huddled under a blanket during the whole thing. Rachelle and Ryan are sooo in love, and sooo cute.

They really are what so many people strive to find in a relationship. It makes me hopeful that someday I will find that…

After the ceremony we all ran back to the reception site to try to get warm. After the bride and groom got their pictures done we all got our food and it was time to dance. Of course I did more watching than dancing…T and I sat at the table most of the night. It seemed we were the only single people there our age. At one point I got up and danced with the bride’s father, and then participated in the bouquet toss…and caught it! =o) I gave a few of the flowers to a couple of kids that were there then sat back at the table. A lil while later I decided to get up and dance. T stayed at the table and took pictures. By this time there was only like 4 songs left in the evening, and of course the last song was going to be a slow one, so I rushed back to the table. To my surprise the hottie photog came up and asked if either T or I would like to dance, so of course I got my butt on the dance floor. Haha We had a nice quick convo and then the party time was over.

T, our roommates, and I went back to the house. Everyone went to bed and I decided to go outside to take some photos of the night sky. The moon was bright and there were nice fluffy clouds out that were begging to have their picture taken. While I was outside I noticed someone head over to one of the houses that we thought people were meeting at, so I walked over out of curiosity. Low and behold, there were a few people still hanging out. Ended up hanging out at that house till about 2am, then went back to my house to hang out with a new friend till 7am. Went to bed around 8:30, then got woke up at 9:30 to go say by to the newlyweds as they headed off to Hawaii for their honeymoon.

So Saturday blended into Sunday, we checked out and headed home. During the drive back it started to snow and that made me even happier. For most of today I have actually had a smile on my face. I don't know if it is because I have only gotten about 11 hours of sleep in the last 4 days and am delirious, from making new friends, getting to see my sister, or getting to spend time with Mother Nature. Whatever it is, I am happy for it. And I hope that this feeling isn't fleeting.

Depression and Reflection

So I am sitting here in my room watching TV and thinking, thinking a lot. Been doing this the past few days and to be quite honest my mind is very tired.

You see, a little over a year and a half ago I got out of a bad relationship. I was in love with someone who after 4 years broke my heart. Towards the end of our relationship I found myself needing to go on anti-depressants for various reasons. I have been on them for almost 2 years now and recently decided to stop taking them, thinking that I was better, had found who I was again, and was able to live my life happy as I was before. I was wrong. It’s been about 2 months since I stopped taking my meds and I thought I was fine, until I went on a recent trip with some friends to Washington and Oregon for fun. My ex’s mother and brothers live in Oregon and I am pretty sure he has moved up there as well. I thought being that close to him wouldn’t affect me. Even though we never got closer than about 15 mins away from where they may live, I found myself petrified that I would run into him, and wishing to run into him at the same time. I never knew how conflicted my head and heart could be until I let myself fall in love.

I have some friends, who have never been in love, that tell me to “just get over it” , "you just need to go out and get laid" and say things like “I thought you were over that and you were fine?” And honestly, I thought I was. People who have never been in love or gone through a tumultuous relationship cannot understand. To love someone so much, to devote your life to them, plan on spending the rest of your life with them, only to find out that everything was a lie and you were a means to an end, totally crushes you. And I have not figured out if there is really ever any coming back from it. I know I deserve better, and the things he did were because of who he is, and not because of who I am. Well, some things were because of who I am…I was too forgiving and giving, and very easy to take advantage of, apparently. But for the most part, just like any other victim of mental, physical, or emotional abuse, I know it was not my fault. However I still can not seem to get my head and heart to agree. I never thought I would or could be one of “those” girls who still love someone that causes them so much pain.

So here I sit, depressed, trying to get myself out of a funk and figure out why exactly I can’t seem to “get over” my ex. The man I once loved, and probably will love for the rest of my life in some way. I don’t think people really stop loving their “first love”, you just learn to love other people. I hope that day comes for me. I have met a lot of great people made a lot of new friends, and re-connected with some old ones, but none of them have made me feel the same way I did when I was with my ex. I don’t get the same butterflies or get those giddy school girl feelings.

Part of me wonders if I don’t have these feelings because of the medication. Or maybe it is just because I am so afraid of being hurt again my heart has built a brick and steel wall around it with no windows and no doors? Then there is the small part of me that thinks maybe it’s because he is the only person I have ever loved, so my heart longs to have him back, maybe because my ex and I were really meant to be and we were destined to get back together. I know that would not be a good thing, he doesn’t deserve me, and he would just hurt me again, but part of me still wonders. Did he ever really love me? Did he really want things to end like they did? Did he know how much he was hurting me, or care? I don’t think I will ever get the answers to these questions.

I don’t consider myself a stupid person, and I know how I should feel, and how I should handle things, but for some reason my body won’t let me. So here I sit, for the last few days, not going to work or school, starting to shut myself off from the world again. A huge part of me wants to go out dancing and to be able to laugh with my friends and have a good time, but the part that is taking over me right now just wants to reflect and cry. I haven’t cried in months, I thought I was all cried out, feeling almost emotionless a few months after my ex left. I shut myself off to the world for almost 2 months last year dealing with all of this. Over the last year and a half I thought I had become stronger, and worked my way through everything…maybe this is just another step. In some ways I feel I was/am an addict. I was addicted to love and to a relationship. To give it all up is extremely hard, and is something I will have to deal with and work through for a long time. I know there are groups and hotlines out there to help people go through these situations, but I would rather reach out to my friends, or just delve into something like music or helping animals. Music has been a sort of therapy to me.

So many things have happened in my life in the last few years that have made me wonder if there is really a purpose to it all. I will admit while I was with my ex I thought about and attempted suicide twice. I know now that is never the answer, though sometimes I still feel it would be the easy way out. This is why I think it is important to start taking the anti-depressants again, even though I am not to that point yet, I don't want to get to it. I also want all of my friends and family to know that, even though I am screwed up in my own ways, I am always here to listen, to be a shoulder to cry on, a person to bitch about things to, or to take you out to try to get your mind off of everything. I am sorry to those of you who have felt me push away, hopefully things will get better soon. If that means in order to get the real Anna back, I have to be on meds for a majority of my life, then so be it.

I don’t know who will read this but I would like to give some information of some places that can help you if you are feeling depressed or like there is no hope left. Remember that there are people out there that love you, even if it doesn’t seem that way. You can pull through whatever it is you are dealing with, you aren’t alone. I know you have heard that a lot, but it is the truth. Please talk to your doctor or a counselor and see if medications or other treatments are right for you. Everyone deserves to go through life happy, and free from chronic depression.

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ - 1-800-273-8255
1-800-784-2433 1-800-799-4TTY (4889) Deaf Hotline
http://www.nami.org/
http://www.opa.ca.gov/healthcare/use-plan/find-mental-care.aspx
http://www.twloha.com/find-help/